Positively gorged on Come Dine with Me this evening. About 3 solid hours of it.
What is wrong with the contestants nowadays? I know they're going down the Wife Swap route of sticking weirder people in for entertainment value, but christ, some of them are just shocking.
On More4 this evening, a woman who leaves each party early for sleep, then on her own dinner, totally fucks up, then fucks off. Manages to turn pavlova into ovenbaked shit puddles, blends through a sieve trying to pulp raspberries, and serves prawn cocktail in an avocado skin. The guests try to be as supportive and patronising as possible, but the poor bitch is physically exhausted by visiting two people for dinner on two nights in a row and starts crying at the table. Then she fucks off to bed, leaving another guest to cook the main course.
Doesn't go too badly. Well, you know where you are with Old El Paso. Her guest calls her down for dinner, after 8 minutes of sleep (or so it says on the box), she stumbles downstairs, walking into a wall and a doorframe on the way. Maybe take off the eye mask first?
Dessert is meringue shit pancakes from earlier with fruit on. She starts crying again, and gets a fully deserved 9. Overall. Worst score ever. But bloody entertaining. There's nothing better than the pleasure of seeing someone fuck up that badly.
Highlight of my evening? Christopher Biggins on Celebrity Come Dine with Me (don't say you haven't seen it, that's bollocks and you know it). What did he do? Bought a trout mousse from Sainsbury's and lied about it to Edwina Currie. Then, while eating a souffle she made, asked inquisitively, "how many eggs are in this, Edwina?" If you don't find this funny, you need to do research here. This is two-way traffic you know, I expect you to do your bit, i.e. learn political history.
Apparently Edwina didn't know the eggs were dodgy.
Also, Biggins has a hysterical laugh, sends him red and everything. And anyone that pisses off Edwina Curry is alright in my book.