Thursday, 29 October 2009

Red rag.

If you want to get some exposure for your cause, it's easy. Just piss off the Daily Mail and watch the bandwagon form before your eyes. After all, all publicity is good publicity, as they say.

Keep Britain Tidy has in the past few weeks launched a campaign aimed at a younger audience with innuendo-filled posters advocating sensible waste disposal habits.

I see that subtlety isn't exactly their forte in this area, but something tells me that they achieved their purpose when the Mail got all narky about it like just in this here article.

Choice comments under the piece are typical Mail-ish fare, with platitudes such as 'filth' 'waste of taxpayers' money like everything else in this country that's gone to the dogs' and 'sack them! Sack them all! Sack every single one of them and burn them! Burn the traitors and moral decayers until they fry in hell until the end of eternity!'

And, you know, that kind of thing.

Sometimes you have to wonder if they're not in some way encouraging the behaviour they wish to extinguish with their social commentary. It's like the thick kid with the hot temper that everyone used to love winding up at school.

Oh well, if it ain't broke...

Saturday, 24 October 2009

Friday, 23 October 2009

Question twat remix (feat. "Prick Griff")

Sorry, it had to be done.

Also, apologies for the appalling blog title, but that man's name just cannot be styled into anything resembling modernity.

Go figure.

This'll throw that whole 'misquoted' bollocks out the window, eh Nicky boy?

Thursday, 22 October 2009

Question twat.

Today marked the climax of a week's worth of protesting, anger and general resentment at the impending appearance of the BNP's Nick Griffin on BBC's Question Time.

Many protested against the BNP's inclusion in the programme. I say to these people, 'what the hell were you so worried about?'

Whilst many were concerned about the BNP coming across as a party with any credibility whatsoever, they can now safely sigh with relief. Griffin crumbled at the first sign of scrutiny, shaking, sweating and laughing innappropriately at the mention of his Holocaust denial.

Clutching at straws, he found the momentum to start an epic rant that removed any veneer of respectibility from his character. Charlie Brooker commented on Twitter at the time: "Did he really just complain about the cancellation of guided tours of the Lake District?" He did. He really did.

Fair play to the BBC, they did well. I was especially fond of their positioning of Griffin next to a mixed race woman who seemed to have had her neck surgically positioned pointing away from him for the duration of the programme.

He quickly deteriorated, calling the Ku Klux Klan 'non-violent' and demanding that homosexuality is not taught in primary schools, which is a shame, because I always enjoyed my double gay lesson on Thursdays when I was 8. He also described gay people as 'creepy', although if he's basing this on himself, for the record I find the idea of him kissing anyone particularly disconcerting.

Not a man that defines 'fuckable', is he?

Particularly fun was the camera panning away as Griffin was totally blanked by his black neighbour during the 'talky bit at the end of the news' bit.

"I don't know why I said those things". - Regarding his previous Holocaust denial. I don't think that would have gone down well at Nuremberg.

Wednesday, 21 October 2009

Stand back, there is a fucking train approaching.

It's time for a mascot. A mascot for public transport in metropolitan areas. Fortunately he seems to have arrived in the guise of 'angry tube man', who the Transport for London people are sending through disciplinary procedures as we speak.

According to reports, he regularly terrorises passengers at Holborn station, chasing a BBC journalist down the platform when she informed him that the barriers weren't working. Referring to himself as 'an easy-going Jedi' on his Facebook profile, he has been filmed abusing an old man who got his arm trapped in a train door.

Some AngryTubeMan quotes:

"Stand back, there is a fucking train approaching"
"Sling him under a train"
"Go and walk under a fucking bus"

I will pay good money to see a video of this man's interview (or disciplinary footage). Send to the usual address.

Tuesday, 13 October 2009


About 16 hours prior to me writing this, the Guardian announced that for the first time in memory, a newspaper had been prevented from reporting on a political question being raised in Parliament. The article, which can be found here, announces:

"Today's published Commons order papers contain a question to be answered by a minister later this week. The Guardian is prevented from identifying the MP who has asked the question, what the question is, which minister might answer it, or where the question is to be found.

The Guardian is also forbidden from telling its readers why the paper is prevented – for the first time in memory – from reporting parliament. Legal obstacles, which cannot be identified, involve proceedings, which cannot be mentioned, on behalf of a client who must remain secret."

Unfortunately for the parties involved in the legal gagging, the Guardian were allowed to mention the name Carter-Ruck, the legal organisation involved. A quick browse of the Wikipedia page immediately unveils the company involved: Trafigura.

For those that don't know, Trafigura are the company involved in the dumping of toxic waste just off the Ivory Coast, resulting to injuries to at least 100,000 West African citizens.

The public took to Twitter in protest, supported by a huge number of celebrities.

Within the last hour or so, the gagging order has been lifted on the Guardian, but it is certainly debatable whether less damage would have been done if the company had simply allowed the free speech of the press in the first place.

However, the result still stands as an important day for democracy, and those involved should be very proud of themselves. They may have just changed history today.

Saturday, 3 October 2009

3 out of 4 ain't bad.

Poor Derren Brown. Three great events that made Friday night TV watchable for the first time in years (aided by Peep Show naturally), and the fourth is the one that everyone remembers.

The man who claims to have beaten the roulette wheel certainly has a wealth of evidence to suggest this is the case, further illustrated by the fact that he is banned from almost every casino in the UK for having a 100% success rate at cards.

At the climax of the month's worth of events, Derren attempted to gamble £5000 of somebody's money on a single number of roulette, hopefully netting £175,000 at odds of 35:1. With an elaborate setup that can't be faulted in terms of unmissable and enthralling TV, Derren ventured to the table in an unknown European casino and chose the number he believed the be the winner, by calculating the trajectory and speed of the ball in a matter of a split-second.

Unfortunately a year of (what I assume to be) intensive study and training, Derren's calculation was one number out, which in the cruel game of roulette is little consolation. What ensued after in the two minutes of airtime remaining in this slot, however, was nothing short of hysterically funny. It was clear that Derren's crew had not factored in that he may miss his calculation, and as the vision mixer scrambled to find a suitable shot that didn't make matters worse, he made an unfortunate selection.

As the two crew members stand outside the trailer where the man now short of £5000 is sitting, one meekly calls 'Ben, Ben, we'll get you your money back'. Next to him, we see a caught-out colleague awkwardly holding a giant cheque, with no hope in fuck of concealing it from the millions watching.

I guess surreptitiously sliding it under the trailer wasn't really an option.