Sunday, 7 June 2009


After 13 weeks of on-off viewing (or 'on', depending on the dignity of the viewer), we've finally reached the end of the Apprentice.

Kate and Yasmina made up the final two contestants, amd were set the task of marketing a box of chocolates. Both originally opted for equally shit ideas, Yasmina's group marketing a posh box of chocolates aimed at men (which anyone who's ever seen a Yorkie bar will instantly find fault with), and Kate going for the least original idea in the history of confection; chocolate for couples.

After being told by about 20 experts in the field that the idea was a load of bollocks, Yasmina still ploughed on, taking the approach that 'it's NICHE, it'll be FINE!', but by the 50th criticism, finally dropped the idea. Shame that the second idea made the first look like a stroke of genius. "Let's make really shit chocolate with stuff like curry inside, then film an advert with actors almost vomiting as they eat them, whilst simultaneously being electrocuted!" Great, I'm sure Cadbury's will be queuing up for that one. The only thing worse than the taste was the name; 'Cocoa Electric'. No sleek box or pink lightning bolt is going to draw attention away from that appalling product name.

Kate's team follow their highly cliched idea through to completion, and end up making a pretty decent product, although with a slightly bumpy patch during development. Kate opts for the slightly too feminine name 'Intimate', possibly worrying the consumer as to what the box would actually contain. I must admit my mind fleeted towards 'Femfresh' before 'chocolate'.

Surprisingly, even though the chocolate made Sir Alan wretch, Yasmina was chosen to be hired, and Kate will have to face the music in regards to totally snubbing her bit on the side Phillip both when picking teams and in general social interaction after he was kicked off. Weird, she was so into him when he was actually in it.

The chemistry was there from Day One.

Nevertheless, I'm sure they'll enjoy plenty of years together, as was clear in the mutual awkwardness when marriage was discussed. Then again, if the money's there from OK! Magazine, why not? Debra's already got her tits out for FHM, their sham wedding would be relatively dignified in comparison.

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