Bikinis don't cause paedos... paedos do.

It has been almost impossible to avoid the Sun's very own 'Paedogeddon', even if you (like me) try and avoid it at all costs. Walking past a newsagents every day this week, my retinas have been scorched by MASSIVE EMBOLDENED BLACK TEXT containing helpfully abbreviated words for the small-minded or intellectually underdeveloped. Over 50% of the words used in this week's headlines have been 'paedo'. Second to that is 'bikini', with one headline simply 'Paedo-bikini banned'.



Sorry, what? A bikini for paedophiles? I'm sorry, it's just when you abbreviate so much that you miss out important facts, people like myself who are literate have trouble understanding what the fuck is going on.

Apparently Primark, bastion of good quality and highly sophisticated apparel as it is, has been helpfully busted by the Sun selling padded bikinis that could possibly maybe be worn by [a slim adult] or a child. Whether you're the kind of parent who wants to dress their child like a whore is no concern of mine, but where do the paedo bits come in? I sometimes feel that the p-word is somewhat of a failsafe for the Sun, who seem to have developed some form of Tourette's through fond love of hunting out paedophiles that only exist in the warped and twisted minds of the editors.

The thing I can't quite fathom is how exactly these items of clothing attract paedophiles. As logic suggests, if you are of that persuasion, surely, that's just how it is? A padded bra or a short skirt is not likely going to push a normal person to that way of thinking, similarly to someone who aims to prey on a child, isn't the dress irrelevant?

Or could it be that the Sun is once again desperately seeking a campaign in order to unite a bunch of primates in hatred against a group of people that evidence suggests do not even exist?

I guess it must be a slow news week, what with the volcanic eruption, the closure of UK airspace, and the election. It's no wonder they've dug out the 'paedo' file.