"Hi, my name is Sam Wollaston. I write for the Guardian and I wish I was Charlie Brooker but unfortunately I'm afflicted with too much jealousy and too little talent.
In lieu of being named as the presenter of S2 of How TV Ruined Your Life, here's a dispassionate list of stuff that Brian Cox is wearing in the first episode Wonders of the Universe."
Ok ok, I'm being unfair. Cox's interpretation of how absolutely massive time and space is was pretty mind-blowing, but it pales in comparison to the way in which Wollaston manages to see a man standing in front of a fuck-off glacier holding a photo of one of the first stars in the universe dying in an unthinkably massive explosion, and can only recall the colour of t-shirt he was wearing.
"Apple green", he quips.
Ouch, there's no call for that kind of crippling insult here, Sam.